Let the record show that I used to be a good person.

22 Jun

Living at home for the summer, I sometimes have to give in to my mom’s ridiculous requests by doing dishes, showing her common respect, and not operating a meth lab from our basement. Welcome to my suburban oppression. In compliance with her latest demand, I dutifully started to clean my room last night and uncovered my elementary school yearbooks. I, of course, had to abandon my chores and leaf through every page of all seven volumes of my childhood. I evidently have a firm grasp on my priorities.

The fifth grade was the year of the millennium so the entire yearbook followed the theme of “the future.” Completely uninspired, right? I would have dedicated the book to the impending apocalypse or more realistically, to Pokemon. I’m pretty sure that I was ignorant of the Y2K scare because I was preoccupied, trying to convince my friend to trade me her Charizard for three trainer cards, four energy cards and a Weedle. Anyway, back to the future…theme. Mrs. Johnson decided that our class should document “our dreams for the future.” Though I obviously should have aspired to be a stand up comedian (come on, my “Back to the Future” joke was gold), I told Mrs. Johnson that I wanted to teach in a foreign country, because it sounded so terribly romantic. She suggested I join the Peace Corps.

So let it be written, so let it be done. Well…not exactly. My friends taunted me and my parents (unsurprisingly) discouraged me from realizing this dream. At the time, I was utterly baffled because I was under the impression that striving to improve global education was an admirable ambition. I also still didn’t completely understand the mission and operations of the Peace Corps, which further magnified my confusion.

Today, I still have unanswered questions, namely, why weren’t the other kids’ goals ridiculed? In retrospect, my wish was fairly achievable (and not to mention practical), when considering that two of my classmates aspired to be Dr. Doolittle and another had delusions about living in Atlantis. Read the other ones – it doesn’t get much better. Sure, their ideas were cute, but at 10 years old, we were a little too mature for cute.

Maybe I’m being a bit cruel, heckling 5th graders and all. Unfortunately, this is who I have become, and I am now far from the kind, altruistic person that I could have been. Sorry World. 


6 Responses to “Let the record show that I used to be a good person.”

  1. gwaceez June 22, 2011 at 5:52 pm #

    this may not be an appropriate post to say this.. but…courtney you are hilarious!!!!!

    • Courtney June 23, 2011 at 9:00 am #

      I’m glad you have finally realized my genius 😛

  2. jessica June 23, 2011 at 4:36 am #

    So I got to your blog from Bschooled’s, and…may I say that your last few posts were really entertaining?

    I like your writing style. AND YOU USED THE WORD “altruistic,” which makes me award you 50 Literate points.

    I WISH you had a follow button. Subscriptions are kind of annoying, but I love your blog already and I’ll still sign up for it. (:

    Peace corps? …How noble.

    When I was 10, I wanted to be a stunning model with knockout curves.

    Until I turned 15 and you could still balance a tea cup on my chest without tipping it over.

    …So um, yeah, that’s, like, where I am now. Dang it.

    • Courtney June 23, 2011 at 9:15 am #

      Thanks Jessica :)! You are way too kind. Plus, now that I know that you’re awarding Literate points, I’m going to have to indubitably step up my game.

      I’m not sure that WordPress has a follow button function like Blogger does. If I’m wrong, please correct me. I actually just realized that I needed to put a subscription widget on my page. For a member of Generation Y, I am amazingly computer literate.

      While you may have missed the “stunning model with knockout curves” train, have you considered street performance? That cup balancing trick sounds wildly lucrative.

  3. bschooled June 24, 2011 at 6:11 am #

    First, this is HI-larious!

    Second, does your classmate in Atlantis get internet access? Because I’d kill to see their Facebook album…

    • Courtney June 24, 2011 at 9:34 am #

      Thanks Bschooled!

      Based off repeated viewings of the “The Little Mermaid”, I have deduced that the merpeople are a very private and elusive race. Therefore, even if my classmate did get internet in Atlantis and have a Facebook, the merpeople would probably force her to “limit profile” me, restricting your and my access to photo albums. Mermaids are assholes. Sorry to disappoint.

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