Sister of the Year

5 Jun

My younger sister, Shelby is so lucky to have me, someone to guide her through the trials and tribulations of adolescence and be her shining beacon. Even at a young age, I took the responsibilities of being a big sister seriously and dutifully taught her the ways of the world.

We used to share a room, and we would lay in bed discussing life, before falling asleep. One night, in the darkness of our room, I decided that I would share with her my darkest secret.

“Hey Shelby,” I began.

“What?” she responded, annoyed.

“Guess what?”

“What?!” Her interest peaked.

“I’m adopted,” I lied.

“You are not,” she replied skeptically. Mama didn’t raise no fool.

“Yes I am!” I persisted. “In fact,” I continued, acting upon a sudden burst of inspiration, “I’m a magic bunny.”

“Yeah right.”

“Am too!” (To this day, I am still just as clever with the comebacks.)

“Oh yeah? Then where are your ears?” my sister sneered triumphantly.

Crap! I panicked. Where was I going to get a pair of ears at this time of the night? I grabbed a blanket, folded the ends up to fashion a makeshift pair of ears. Then, I stuck my new ears behind my head and cried out, “Right. Here.”


Finally, Shelby spoke, whispering quietly, “Do Mom and Dad know?”

Of course this wasn’t the only life lesson that I shared with dear Shelby. I’m a better sister than that. I also told her that the radio was filled with tiny people who created the music and terrified her by explaining that the soap bubbles created when washing your hair were housed ticks. Creative, I know. I even joined forces with my older brother, telling her that the Loch Ness monster lived beneath our house and that the noises from the heater were in reality, the snores of the beast. And I obviously told Shelby that she was adopted but that’s so clichĂ©.

Eventually, my sister started to catch on and stopped believing me and my fantastic stories. She is no longer nearly as gullible as her four-year-old self once was, and I like to think that I deserve some of the credit for this crucial development.


One Response to “Sister of the Year”


  1. Obnoxious Obligations « Agree to Disagree - June 13, 2011

    […] yelling out embarrassing childhood nicknames as she crossed the stage, (maintaining my title as Sister of the Year.) However, despite the relative ease of the 1.5 hour ceremony, I’m just not a fan of the ugly […]

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